It's been a minute, but man things have been a mess. The world has been floundering under political and social chaos, climate change driven disasters like wildfires, overrun by disease, and now war... and I'll tell you what... it is devastating and exhausting, for every damn person out there and certainly some more than others... but none are untouched. Now, I can sit with the loss, the fatigue, the pain and suffering for quite a while and I have, but also, it seems more personably valuable to take a sec and write down here... what we have done and not done as humans to move through this mess.... what we have gained and what it has cost us.
The costs have been high, social distancing, distance learning, loss of small businesses, a crazy amount of homelessness, visibility of drug problems in the community. Fear, suspicion, angst around masks, vaccinations, and getting sick suddenly comes with a blame that further divides a distanced family and community. Motivation and creativity have taken a hit in all of this mess... in spite of a lot of works in progress I have pretty much put down the old sewing machine for a long rest, the kids are less likely to pull out craft supplies, B takes a lot of exterior force to motivate to a project. We feel somewhat adrift, unmoored...we have lost Grandma Mary... my extended family center and Scooter our immediate family beloved support, almost any sense of certainty about anything in the future.
Gains? Well, there has been maybe a shift in creative outlets...I have been doing watercoloring and ceramics and feel like I have improved massively on both fronts. Family time... alll the family time, and while not perfect we have done okay... there was the puzzle phase, the game phase (and games online with cousins that was lovely!), all the movies phase, and now, we are just trying to get back to our "normal" keep up with the kids activities phase... thank goodness! And really the kids have been okay.... they are fantastic with masking, they were the first to embrace a strong online social crew, making new friends, connecting with them every day even when we were all locked up at home for weeks on end. Owen ran his first track and cross country seasons in a mask and has made running his new passion.... they did it all online, masked, distanced: school, ballet, running, wushu, games, holidays... I am so impressed by them. Do we embrace all of the screens? Yep. But also we are simply interacting a lot more so that is cool too. Actually hooked up with friends more readily via zoom than I would have without. Hiking like a boss with my friends... between working up towards the wildwood trail and doing that, wwhap also has been exploring lots of Oregon that I have somehow not yet done. Beautiful ways to spend days with beautiful friends. And though we do much less in person, my friends do check in on eachother a lot more and it's beautiful... the support amongst a few groups of awesome women is so reassuring.
Sabbatical was taken... We didn't travel the world as a family on semester at sea... though man I tried and prepared for three different trips. Did I visit my friends and colleagues all over the country/world? Not with the evolving wack-a-mole strains of covid that kept popping up. I did get to not be in the classroom during this chaotic transition back onto campus, which I hear went well (masks and distance works!), then did not go well (unless it's Omicron)... I took a lot of workshops, puppy kindergarten, three ceramics classes, and got back into the estuary with Cat ... which has been awesome... and a little like coming home. My "sleep score" (according to the fitbit) has improved substantially, I have been walking regularly about 10k steps a day, and in spite of a terribly lingering (like 2 months of coughs and congestion) cold thing (not COVID) after a nice trip with my bro and folks to Chicago and with Brian and kids to NY, I have been pretty healthy. I have been helping out at the Food Pantry 1-2 days a month, and it has been good, sadly busy, continually pivoting strategies, but good to feel like there is something that can help.
Fluff therapy... we got to spend all day with Scooter for his whole last year, which made some of his passing more bearable... but still the toughest thing any of us has had to experience, I think he was ready but we were not ready and we still miss him so much a year later. Adding Camas to the family has been wonderful! He is a handful, has a lot of needs and wants (including chewing furniture, socks and slippers), he is also smart and fun and can even be pretty sweet. It is less like he is filling a hole in the family, but more like he is a big fluffy pile of mischief next to the space in our hearts.
Somewhere in the middle, dude we have become so flexible... just the expectation that things will be cancelled or rescheduled, or done remotely has made us resilient at best and apathetic at least. Look... we figured it out, is it perfect... geez no, is it even pretty good... eh... it simply is and sometimes existing is enough. We continue to proceed with caution.
