Well... that didn't go exactly as planned

 It's been a minute, but man things have been a mess.  The world has been floundering under political and social chaos, climate change driven disasters like wildfires, overrun by disease, and now war... and I'll tell you what... it is devastating and exhausting, for every damn person out there and certainly some more than others... but none are untouched.  Now, I can sit with the loss, the fatigue, the pain and suffering for quite a while and I have, but also, it seems more personably valuable to take a sec and write down here... what we have done and not done as humans to move through this mess.... what we have gained and what it has cost us.  

The costs have been high, social distancing, distance learning, loss of small businesses, a crazy amount of homelessness, visibility of drug problems in the community. Fear, suspicion, angst around masks, vaccinations, and getting sick suddenly comes with a blame that further divides a distanced family and community. Motivation and creativity have taken a hit in all of this mess... in spite of a lot of works in progress I have pretty much put down the old sewing machine for a long rest, the kids are less likely to pull out craft supplies, B takes a lot of exterior force to motivate to a project.  We feel somewhat adrift, unmoored...we have lost Grandma Mary... my extended family center and Scooter our immediate family beloved support, almost any sense of certainty about anything in the future. 

Gains? Well, there has been maybe a shift in creative outlets...I have been doing watercoloring and ceramics and feel like I have improved massively on both fronts.  Family time... alll the family time, and while not perfect we have done okay... there was the puzzle phase, the game phase (and games online with cousins that was lovely!), all the movies phase, and now, we are just trying to get back to our "normal" keep up with the kids activities phase... thank goodness! And really the kids have been okay.... they are fantastic with masking, they were the first to embrace a strong online social crew, making new friends, connecting with them every day even when we were all locked up at home for weeks on end. Owen ran his first track and cross country seasons in a mask and has made running his new passion.... they did it all online, masked, distanced:  school, ballet, running, wushu, games, holidays... I am so impressed by them. Do we embrace all of the screens?  Yep. But also we are simply interacting a lot more so that is cool too.  Actually hooked up with friends more readily via zoom than I would have without.  Hiking like a boss with my friends... between working up towards the wildwood trail and doing that, wwhap also has been exploring lots of Oregon that I have somehow not yet done.  Beautiful ways to spend days with beautiful friends.  And though we do much less in person, my friends do check in on eachother a lot more and it's beautiful... the support amongst a few groups of awesome women is so reassuring. 

Sabbatical was taken... We didn't travel the world as a family on semester at sea... though man I tried and prepared for three different trips. Did I visit my friends and colleagues all over the country/world?  Not with the evolving wack-a-mole strains of covid that kept popping up. I did get to not be in the classroom during this chaotic transition back onto campus, which I hear went well (masks and distance works!), then did not go well (unless it's Omicron)... I took a lot of workshops, puppy kindergarten, three ceramics classes, and got back into the estuary with Cat ... which has been awesome... and a little like coming home.  My "sleep score" (according to the fitbit) has improved substantially, I have been walking regularly about 10k steps a day, and in spite of a terribly lingering (like 2 months of coughs and congestion) cold thing (not COVID) after a nice trip with my bro and folks to Chicago and with Brian and kids to NY, I have been pretty healthy.  I have been helping out at the Food Pantry 1-2 days a month, and it has been good, sadly busy, continually pivoting strategies, but good to feel like there is something that can help. 

Fluff therapy... we got to spend all day with Scooter for his whole last year, which made some of his passing more bearable... but still the toughest thing any of us has had to experience, I think he was ready but we were not ready and we still miss him so much a year later.  Adding Camas to the family has been wonderful!  He is a handful, has a lot of needs and wants (including chewing furniture, socks and slippers), he is also smart and fun and can even be pretty sweet.  It is less like he is filling a hole in the family, but more like he is a big fluffy pile of mischief next to the space in our hearts.    

Somewhere in the middle, dude we have become so flexible... just the expectation that things will be cancelled or rescheduled, or done remotely has made us resilient at best and apathetic at least.  Look... we figured it out, is it perfect... geez no,  is it even pretty good... eh... it simply is and sometimes existing is enough.  We continue to proceed with caution.  

mirrors and windows

I was reading about reading... and people were sharing their favorite book lists and thinking a bit about what their reading is a reflection of at different times of their lives.

I"m going to copy a comment by a reader "Alice"
"This reminds me of a concept my daughter’s 5th grade teacher taught this year– Books as windows or mirrors (based on the work of Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop). Mirror books are ones we can see ourselves in, while window books give us a view into someone else’s life. Both are valuable! Mirror books can validate our feelings, beliefs, and who we are. Window books help us see different perspectives, open our eyes to new situations, and help us build empathy for others. There are different times that I gravitate to or need one of those types."

So I have a hard time thinking about what "genre"of book I relate to, but there were definitely phases I have gone through, and its fun to think of what these phases mirror in my life, though a bit hard to articulate, they are appropriate!

in my 20s... I read all of the Tony Hillerman mysteries, Amy Tan stories, any of the Jeeves stories by PG Wodehouse, and various collector adventures by Gerard Durrell, Dragonriders of Pern series by Anne McCaffrey, and all the vampire books (a la Ann Rice)! 

... in my 30s...  Books about food and travel abound... everything by MFK Fisher, Brillat Savarin, Bill Bryson, Peter Mayle, Michael Pollan.  Lovely stories by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.  Also the Game of Thrones series and Dirk Pitt stories by Clive Cussler.

Now in my 40s... I am also in the memoir style (fiction or non) by primarily women authors... those beautiful arching windows into the entire lives and histories... (Homegoing Yaa Gyasi , Educated Tara Westover, so many great comedian memoirs). Reflections on the natural world like The Canon (Natalie Angier), Braiding Sweetgrass (Robin Wall Kimmerer).  and a ton of YA fantasy/sci-fi books.

I sometimes drink Iced tea now

How to make a yummy iced tea (so this is sort of totally stolen from the Smith Tea house that has THE BEST iced tea on tap, so very good):  Brew a fruity brew nice and strong, extra tea bags and extra long, for me preferably some herbal blend so I can drink it all day long... I like Smith Red Nectar the best so far (I am new to cold tea drinking at home). I make a pot and sort of keep it room temperature, fill at least a pint glass full of ice, and pour the tea over it.  Owen is on a no-sugar kick with my Mom, so I blend up banana, coconut milk and mango smoothie thing and thin it out a bit, pour it on top like cream and enjoy!  This is not nearly as good as the in house stuff at Smith, but it is a really nice home version!

Plus it's been a pretty Ugh end of summer, politics illuminate the ugliness in our world, "natural" disasters abound with huge fires throughout the West including the beloved gorge, filled our skies last week with smoke and ash, red suns and moons and a ghastly haze, storms batter the South resulting in casualties, damage, fear, basically keeping me glued to the screens.  Sept. 11th crept up on me and for some reason this heart wrenching moment in time reminds me that in spite of the awfulness around, that the highlight to the darkness is that the heroes emerge and that gives me hope, that sometimes only when there is darkness the light becomes visible.  So, when it feels all blegh, I will try harder to remember the folks who work tirelessly to prepare us for disaster, to help us when it inevitably strikes, who risk themselves for others, the true heroes.

Weird conversation with Grace:  Basically she says that she has been reborn, and that we all have but only kids can remember it.  In her past life she was a girl named Ava and had a sister.  There aren't a ton of details, but she is sure of this.

Middle school:  Woah, this is a serious milestone and it has me super impressed with my kiddo.  Suddenly, he is responsible, thoughtful and helpful (except to his sister).  He has nice friends, they bike to school together (and this is quite the distance frankly, across several major streets, causes me stress).  He has his own phone now (so I can check in on him really, hello helicopter parent), has to change classes, has harder homework, is taking band and is super excited about the clarinet (really his gateway to the Saxophone).  Now, if he could just stop badgering me so much about computer time, and realize there are other things he can do with his "down-time", and if he could not do every little nit-picky thing to subtly annoy his sister who is anything but subtle, then it would be perfect... but who wants perfect anyhow.

Simplicity 1211

So five of these now, I am really liking this pattern.  This rock version is my most recent, G wanted a dress for hcer Rok unit at school, and for the field trip to the rock and mineral museum.  We couldn't find the cool crystal fabric in time for the field trip, but this landscape fabric worked well and looked cute with the cowl I knitted.  I am hankering for some mustard colored knitware lately... if you see a cute cardigan, let me know!

This is my favorite dress, the koi print is awesome!  

Though hard to get the puppet wielding gal to sit still enough for the picture to be very sharp.

The first one was a very light blue linen that she loves the most of all, I have a cute bird/cactus one for a friend's birthday and a blue floral one that is a lighter weight lawn fabric that will be so nice in the spring.  I"ll try to get those pictured in here soon.  (but a quiet breakfast that I enjoyed recently... there is a certain glee at our homemade food, Brian's bread, berry jam from the summer, my version of nutella, coffee... add that into a quiet morning is pretty blissful)

Here's the deal, I get a pattern, I look at it for weeks, if not months and think about it, then one day I get up the courage to trace it out, and cut out the pattern.  Then I start looking at fabric, and get loaded up on things that look nice, and then FINALLY I made one, and it went well, now I have made 5 (with at least one or two more in the wings).  Poor Grace can't exactly keep up the enthusiasm for the same dresses that I can have for sewing them, but at least these she seems interested in the twirly skirt and likes the overall pattern.

2016 blows

Never have I been so invested in election results, never have I been so stunned, ... hold onto your shorts people, we are going to be in for a wild ride the next few years. I have spent the past week kind of wrecked, really I remain beyond comprehension as to how the country could have such a strong desire for any kind of change (I get the need for change), that they are able to accept, normalize and even embrace to the highest office the values and voice of misogyny, racism, xenophobia, lies, science denial, the list is vast and I am not sure how we can justify one (change) without giving credence to the other (values).  It was hard to talk to the kids about it, because as far as they are concerned, the biggest trait that the people should be voting on is kindness.  Being kids, after the first day they moved on, though we talk everyday now about how to do good each day, and how to stand up to victims of bullying.   I thought long and hard about how to share with my classes, where I didn't really want a gripe fest, even if that is what we needed in some respects, and I want them to be successful, which means staying on target, plus who wants to see their professor cry in frustration... nobody needs that. They can know that I will make a call, it's not very time consuming, and it gives me a voice, and I expect after the first few horrible ones, it will get easier! Anyhow a few students have expressed appreciation that I shared this, and I want to remember what to do when I am feeling frustrated by politics, how to actually make an impact and my voice heard.  

In the search for understanding... on the internet ... While I can best appreciate the comedic attempts to address our concerns, there were a few resources that actually impacted the way that I view and understand the state of our country:

for an empathetic view of what happened (try to make it past the movie references, they are actually helpful)

http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reasons-trumps-rise-that-no-one-talks-about/

and the idea that we all have bias associated with different groups of people, once we can identify that bias, then we can address it... but I do find a strong claim that you aren't biased (racist) is probably not true, but how to we respond to our implicit biases, knowing they exist can change our views!

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html

To my classes in response to the election:

I feel like I need to address the presidential election results, not because they were disappointing, but because they have resulted in a lot of sincere concerns, fear and anger.  I am struggling with my role in the face of an uncertain future that appears to be anti-science and divisive, and maybe you are too.  What I want to tell you is this: we need you more than ever, I need you for your determination, for your inspiration and for your justice.  Social justice issues are environmental issues, both in this state, this country and world wide.  Empathy, critical thinking and connecting society with the environment are the foundation of our well-being and even survival.

So, what can we do? I can’t say that I have answers, more what I would call starting points based on my own feelings and discussions with my colleagues.  I want you to know that I will hear you, I will advocate for you and I will work with you to continue hone our critical thinking skills on the search for understanding.  For you: Stay focused, listen to each-other, care for each-other and work hard, because the future of our country and planet depend upon you.  Your education, your ability to evaluate and solve real-world problems, and sift fact from fiction is critical for our future, so I’m counting on you.  Education is powerful, it gives you a voice and options and can actually change the world.

Do you need something more concrete?  If you have a concern with policy, do you wish your senator or representative would say something… make an old fashioned phone call, speak from the heart:

https://www.oregonlegislature.gov/house/Pages/RepresentativesAll.aspx

https://www.oregonlegislature.gov/senate/Pages/SenatorsAll.aspx

Work with our local governments to ensure your values are applied at home, we have made some great progress here in support of education, of supporting our veterans, and connecting students to nature but we can do much more!

Support groups and individuals who are, let’s face-it, scared.  I had hoped that we would be buffered somewhat here in Portland, but it turns out hateful rhetoric and crimes can make their way everywhere, but we cannot tolerate it, not for a moment more.  Stand with the victims if you witness something, focus on moving to safety.  If it is an emergency call 911, if it is a non-emergency, report it to the police (503-823-3333) or campus security (503-725-4404).  

Stand with organizations that can support the values that you hold important:  ACLU, NAACP, planned parenthood, LGBTQ alliance, IRCO, NRDC, Nature Conservancy etc...  donate your voice, your time and your money.  

Share your ideas and your plans with your peers.  

Linden for fall

So I had one last sewing effort for the end of summer, a cozy linden sweatshirt from grainline studio patterns.  I got some pretty, soft nani iro fabric (I'm not sure what to call it... almost a flannel, but somehow different) that is a woven for the front and back panels, and a soft sweatshirt material for the sleeves and bands (and an added side-panel because when I guessed I didn't purchase enough of the woven).  I went down to a size 4 from a previous version that I had made from some jersey, and is nice but loose.  This is mostly the "b" view (but with added bands at the sleeves and waist), so it is sort of a hybrid version.  Anyhow, I plan to spend all of fall in this.  I still need some help making a nice neckline, I always manage to do the weirdest part up front, no mater how I plan it, so this one is a bit extra stretched right at the front and I mistakenly put the seam up there too, but it is not too noticeable and this is already my second try on the neckband so I left it.

Cross-backed aprons.

 I think I could live in this thing.  I made a few cross backed aprons later this summer.  The pattern is from Sewing Happiness by Sanae Ishida.  It's one of those sewing books that has you saying.... that's perfect, it's simple (most of the projects) and I really need to make that right now.  I also made my MOther in law Renee one (well hers was first) and it was a beautiful blue linen-cotton blend that was really nice to work with and felt great.  When I went back to the Mill-end they didn't have enough left to make another apron so I did it with some cotton blue and white striped shirting material with just enough heft.  Grace's is a pretty linen floral that is closer to canvas weight.  Anyhow, comfy, cute, easy!!

Although I haven't taken pictures of most of my efforts, I have been trying most of the tutorials at the Postman's knock and was pretty happy with this birthday card for Randall.  

It's fun to practice the lettering (especially since my handwriting on a day to day basis has degraded seriously... I had a student the past two summers who teaches calligraphy at Reed and he has re-inspired me to at least appreciate some more care in handwriting and to try new things!